5 Suspicious Mascots

In a world dominated by rampant consumerism, and ravaged by capitalism, we find it inevitable to go without being smashed in the face by these attempts to warp our minds into believing that these companies do anything for our benefit. One of the most ingenious of these tactics, is the mascot. A cute, neatly contrived character aimed at gaining the trust of the public. However some of these characters tend to overstep common courtesy habitually. Is this abuse of the public trust appropriate? 

I give you:
5 Mascots I Find Highly Suspicious ... and a few random videos.


Kellogg's Raisin Bran - Sunny
This one is the least suspect for obvious reasons. He is a living sun. You wouldn't want this guy to come within 90 million miles of you, let alone serve you dried grapes, and bran. It's a selfish move to let something that dangerous take place. Everything would be vaporized into atoms in an instant.  Think of the children.
Even if the heat didn't kill us, any interaction with us would be on such a scale, that it would be more devastating than the last episode of ALF.





Dominos Pizza - The Noid
This character was created by an advertising firm to juxtapose the service of other pizza delivery places to Dominos, back when Dominos Pizza actually made a product that could be considered pizza. This strange unsettling character was abandoned a within a few short years. The idea was that every time you saw a pizza that has been treated poorly; smashed, lopsided, ect. It was the Noid's fault. My favorite part of this stupid

idea, was that it actually caused someone to have a breakdown.
In 1989, Kenneth Lamar Noid, a mentally ill customer who thought the ads were a personal attack on him, held two employees of an Atlanta, Georgia Domino's restaurant hostage for over five hours. After forcing them to make him a pizza and making demands for $100,000, getaway car, and a copy of The Widow's Son, Noid surrendered to the police. Noid was charged with kidnapping, aggravated assault, extortion, and possession of a firearm during a crime. He was found not guilty by reason of insanity. What must it be like to be him? Good Night Mr. Noid. Wherever you are.


Post Cereals' Honeycomb - The Craving
There couldn't be many things more sinister than this - your child, so overwhelmed by his, or her desire to consume this strange packing foam-like breakfast snack actually morphs into a strange creature. So could say that this commercial speaks to people with some serious control issues. It seems that advertising always falls back on certain brainwashing techniques. In this case, it's the "YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT" complex. This is the very same ploy used by General Mills® Trix Cereal. I like this commercial that depicts children putting themselves in a dangerous situation, just so that they can have this cereal.



Burger King - The Burger King
9AM. You're in bed. You had a long night last night, out with your friends, and that guy/girl that you wanted to talk to just never quite got interested enough to make you feel like there was any chemistry. You're thinking about what kind of breakfast snack that you might have as you begin to stir to awareness. Suddenly you have the frightening feeling that you aren't alone. Your bed is tilting in a fashion only consistent with dual occupancy. With the sickening dread filling your entire body, your stomach falls through the floor, and you get the courage to pull back the blanket and ... "AAAHHHH!!!!!!" A plastic man wearing a crown lies beside you. The range of thoughts that could pass through the mind at times like this, could shake even the strongest constitution. Then he hands you a sandwich. I guess that makes it okay. I didn't even try to look for a relevant video, and this spongebob one kept coming up, so I just decided to post it instead.


Walmart - Rollback Man
This mascot is just the "Have A Nice Day" happy face used in a fiendishly ironic way. I would guess that he serves a 2 fold purpose. Not only does he represent the degradation of wages in economically disadvantaged areas, but he also smiles while it happens. It's like he's telling you to "Have A Nice Day", while silently handing the American public an enormous financial burden. That's dark.



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