Toyota Death Traps?

You're on the highway. It's a beautiful day outside. You, and your significant other are on a nice drive around a hilly beach cliff. The view is stunning, and you've never felt more alive. You take a deep breath, as the new 2009 Toyota smell fills your lungs. Your favorite song is playing, and love looks at you with all of the love you've had these years you've been together, and suddenly - the car begins to accelerate without cause, and in the moment you are broken from this bliss, your first instinct tells you to hit the brake....AND THERE ARE NO RESULTS!! You realize that you may die, and begin to think of your happy times as you hit the rail and sail off the edge.
You awaken in a hospital, and they tell you that your lover was killed in the crash.
Does this sound like a nightmare?

Well, it happened to Mr. Bulent Ezal , of California. His wife was killed, and Toyota continues to insist that the problem is caused by floor mats. A San Diego CHP officer and his entire family were killed in a Lexus, after it accelerated out of control on a highway.


The government isn't going to let this happen, and they must be getting ready for a massive recall right? Wrong. NSHTA has done nothing in regard to this problem. I suppose we'll have to wait until someone decides that enough innocent people have died in senseless accidents, due to a company's inability to take responsibility for it's mistakes. Instead of recalling the cars for what the obvious problem really is, they decide to waste 40 billion yen (454.08 million in U.S. dollars) in a bullshit attempt to save face.


FLOOR MATS? COME ON PEOPLE.

Of course, for all we know, this could be one of those World Terrorism Organizations threatening our freedom like Cobra, or maybe it's an Illuminati scheme to make us all "Ford Tough". Worst case scenario it's the machines striking back at us for all of the crash tests, or aliens like in Maximum Overdrive.

50 of the worst Video Game voice clips EVER.

Everyone loves a good game that draws you in, and makes the story come to life. That's what games have done better than many film makers in the last decade, but sometimes the talent that is used, isn't quite up to the task of delivering a satisfying performance. Sometimes they sound like they just pulled a guy in off of the street, and handed him a script. I was trolling Youtube, and found this entry by "dirtFilledCoffin".

ENJOY.

Inappropriate Item Given to Kids

We've all seen the various toys we strive to keep from kids. Sexist dolls that damage the self image of girls have been plaguing our society for years, but I've seen a few things that have gone far beyond what you would expect.

The other day Felicity and I were talking with the kids, when I suddenly realized that our oldest daughter had something disturbing with her. Upon inspecting the contents of a bag our child had received from the school, we found this -

A fucking syringe filled with candy!

Well meaning, but unthinking teachers passed out syringes filled with candy to students during some sort of career day assembly. At first came a weird sort of outrage, but we later decided that we should have a sense of humor about it. So I began imagining what other tools might be utilized for ironic and child-like uses.

Candy Bullet Dispenser.

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VAST Me and You Donate

I was surprised to see this today. I'm happy to see people trying to stay aware of the world around them. I've been feeling a little bit jaded for the last few years, but it always makes me feel good to know that people are looking outside of what the little man on the screen says, and go out to see for themselves. People find so many reasons to segregate themselves. Segregation through race, belief, sex, habits, tastes, nationalism, and these things should be outdated concepts for mankind in this day and age. There is so much happening in our own backyard that we completely ignore. This world belongs to all of us, and each person has a responsibility to the entire world whether they want to admit it, or not.











Rea blog about 4 Ways to Recycle Plastic at Home

5 Suspicious Mascots

In a world dominated by rampant consumerism, and ravaged by capitalism, we find it inevitable to go without being smashed in the face by these attempts to warp our minds into believing that these companies do anything for our benefit. One of the most ingenious of these tactics, is the mascot. A cute, neatly contrived character aimed at gaining the trust of the public. However some of these characters tend to overstep common courtesy habitually. Is this abuse of the public trust appropriate? 

I give you:
5 Mascots I Find Highly Suspicious ... and a few random videos.


Kellogg's Raisin Bran - Sunny
This one is the least suspect for obvious reasons. He is a living sun. You wouldn't want this guy to come within 90 million miles of you, let alone serve you dried grapes, and bran. It's a selfish move to let something that dangerous take place. Everything would be vaporized into atoms in an instant.  Think of the children.
Even if the heat didn't kill us, any interaction with us would be on such a scale, that it would be more devastating than the last episode of ALF.





Dominos Pizza - The Noid
This character was created by an advertising firm to juxtapose the service of other pizza delivery places to Dominos, back when Dominos Pizza actually made a product that could be considered pizza. This strange unsettling character was abandoned a within a few short years. The idea was that every time you saw a pizza that has been treated poorly; smashed, lopsided, ect. It was the Noid's fault. My favorite part of this stupid

idea, was that it actually caused someone to have a breakdown.
In 1989, Kenneth Lamar Noid, a mentally ill customer who thought the ads were a personal attack on him, held two employees of an Atlanta, Georgia Domino's restaurant hostage for over five hours. After forcing them to make him a pizza and making demands for $100,000, getaway car, and a copy of The Widow's Son, Noid surrendered to the police. Noid was charged with kidnapping, aggravated assault, extortion, and possession of a firearm during a crime. He was found not guilty by reason of insanity. What must it be like to be him? Good Night Mr. Noid. Wherever you are.


Post Cereals' Honeycomb - The Craving
There couldn't be many things more sinister than this - your child, so overwhelmed by his, or her desire to consume this strange packing foam-like breakfast snack actually morphs into a strange creature. So could say that this commercial speaks to people with some serious control issues. It seems that advertising always falls back on certain brainwashing techniques. In this case, it's the "YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT" complex. This is the very same ploy used by General Mills® Trix Cereal. I like this commercial that depicts children putting themselves in a dangerous situation, just so that they can have this cereal.



Burger King - The Burger King
9AM. You're in bed. You had a long night last night, out with your friends, and that guy/girl that you wanted to talk to just never quite got interested enough to make you feel like there was any chemistry. You're thinking about what kind of breakfast snack that you might have as you begin to stir to awareness. Suddenly you have the frightening feeling that you aren't alone. Your bed is tilting in a fashion only consistent with dual occupancy. With the sickening dread filling your entire body, your stomach falls through the floor, and you get the courage to pull back the blanket and ... "AAAHHHH!!!!!!" A plastic man wearing a crown lies beside you. The range of thoughts that could pass through the mind at times like this, could shake even the strongest constitution. Then he hands you a sandwich. I guess that makes it okay. I didn't even try to look for a relevant video, and this spongebob one kept coming up, so I just decided to post it instead.


Walmart - Rollback Man
This mascot is just the "Have A Nice Day" happy face used in a fiendishly ironic way. I would guess that he serves a 2 fold purpose. Not only does he represent the degradation of wages in economically disadvantaged areas, but he also smiles while it happens. It's like he's telling you to "Have A Nice Day", while silently handing the American public an enormous financial burden. That's dark.



*All characters mentioned here are subject to each own copyright and are not in anyway affiliated with MICHAELCRY.COM, it's writers, or it's visitors. Neither MICHAELCRY.COM, it's writers, visitors, or anyone esle are responsible for damages in relation to this article. It is strictly satire.




previous blog on 4 ways to recycle plastics at home

4 Ways to Recycle Plastic at Home

A few people don't know this, but there is an island of trash approximately 534,000 square miles in size, (which is roughly twice the size of Texas)  floating in the North Pacific Gyre, which is basically the northern center of the Pacific Ocean. It is commonly referred to as, "Great Pacific Garbage Patch", or the "Pacific Trash Vortex".  In some areas, suspended trash reaches depths of 90 ft. It is estimated that 80 - 90% of the trash there is made of plastic, weighing approximately 3.5 million tons.

- Capt Charles Moore

Oceanic life often dies out, leaving only trash for birds, and other animals to eat. Many birds have been found completely filled with garbage. I'm not going to post any of the other pictures here, because much of what I've come across is so sad, that I don't even want to see it again. One of the most shocking, and disturbing photos that can be found, is one of a large sea turtle, that has lived it's entire life in a red plastic ring. The suffering that is dispensed upon the world is unfathomable. So I decided that I should write something about plastics. Here is :

4 Ways to Recycle Plastic at Home

4) Put it in that blue bin on the curb you lazy bastard. A lot of people pay for recycling, and don't even use it. I've actually seen recycling trucks sitting on the side of the road reading because there were no recycling bins for them to pick up. A lot of cities include recycling, and people who don't pay attention fail to recycle. This is especially true in economically disadvantaged areas. If you live in a complex, make sure that you can obtain bins. A little work from a lot of people could greatly impact our future. Think of your children, your grandchildren, and the world we are leaving them.

3)  Make art out of it... Handmade crafts can be quite relaxing, and are fun for people of all ages.
Plastic bottles can be made into a variety of things, including terrariums, sand art containers, and all sorts of things. There are plenty of websites like THIS ONE, that explain how projects can be made. Just think of all of the sexy time you can have with your significant other while the kids are helping save the environment! Give Johnny, and Suzie a plastic bottle, and tell them to make a planter. Don't give kids sharp objects and leave them unattended, or you will end up explaining that the game "Operation" does not qualify them to be doctors.

2) Plastic bags from stores are great for bathroom trash that you want to separate from the rest of the trash. If you have something nasty, you can tie it up in a plastic bag to keep from emitting vomit inducing smells into your home, and ultimately gross out anyone who happens to just "drop by" because they were "in the neighborhood". You can use them to keep odd shaped items partitioned in closets, and prevent a rain of unused items. In homes where space is precious, this could prevent a lot of accidental waste from spills, and other random acts of lameness. Make sure little Tommy keeps the bags away from his face.

1) The best way to recycle at home is simply to reuse everything that you possibly can. Plastic bottles can hold water just as well as when you bought them and can be used a large number of times. when they become too worn, you can fill them with water, freeze them and use them to keep food fresh. Don't reuse plastics that are coded with number 3 or more. They are made of polyvinyl chloride (PVC), which often contains toxins as it degrades. To stay on the safe side, don't allow recycled number 3 plastics to come in contact with food.

Well, I'm glad that's over. I plan on making my next blog on the 14th a lot more fun.

I understand deals as much as the next American consumer, but the excuses we use to sink into complete anarchy are ridiculous. In the past few years, we've seen people literally kill each other over toys. During these times, the security and police force swell to the size of an army wherever there are stores, and mini-malls. On Nov 28th, 2008 Black Friday found new meaning when Jdimytai Damour, was trampled to death while unlocking the doors during a Black Friday sale. Of course a lot of people didn't hear about this, because he has too many consonants at the beginning of his name for the public to care. What store was that? Wal-Mart.

"Our prices are lower than my self esteem"

Since it seems to become more dangerous in the madness every year, I give you this offereing:

5 Ways to not get killed on Black Friday 

• 5. Plan ahead, wear comfortable clothing (preferably riot gear), know the store well, and have a plan of attack. If you know where everything is going to be, that reduces the amount of time that you will have to run around 500 other panicked adults, who are trying to find way to keep their kids busy long enough to have sex from start to finish without hearing a child asking them for something.

                      by Viking Spawn

"I am ready to shop."

• 4. Don't bring your kids, they will confuse, and slow things down. Toys, and other items marketed towards children are scientifically researched, and designed to attract their attention. Bringing them to the store during a sale is like bringing a STARVING MAN to a STEAK HOUSE. Would it make sense to get mad at him for reaching for a baked potato? The poor bastard is hungry, and you're an asshole for bringing him. Most importantly, it's getting more dangerous every year in these sales, and don't think that the season will keep child predators from going out and finding a way to ring in the new year with your little Billy. People are distracted, and often ignore their children to avoid causing scenes, but this could be a recipe for disaster.

• 3. Most stores use a bait and switch method of luring unsuspecting customers into their stores. The last place you want to be, is in front of a socio-economically oppressed man, who feels that obtaining an array of cheaply assembled plastic in the likeness of a 12 inch Female American Consumer, is going to repair the damaged relationship between his daughter, and himself. This man is likely to have a gun tucked somewhere between his family jewels, and his anus. When he discovers that the store purposefully only stocked 300 units at a low low price, only to run out and push their substantially less popular "Back Alley Betsy" doll, he'll be fatally wounding innocent shoppers in no time.
  (I'm actually waiting to see all of the different things that FOX news will try to blame on terrorists this year.)

• 2. Coordinate with others. Bring your friends and make sure that everyone knows what they're going for. There is safety in numbers, and you can assign each group, or individual a section to search, and retrieve. If you do it right it can be done in less than 30 minutes, and carpooling in someone's mini-van not only saves space, but also gives you the ability to pretend that you are some sort of twisted X-Mas shopping A-Team. Yes, I would love to see pictures of shoppers dressed as Mr. T.

-by goldberg

"YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG"

• 1. Stay the hell home. A lot of stores are selling their merchandise online now, and for great prices. Some stores are even selling at low prices early online just to beat the competition. Some of the stores will let you order online, and then go pick it up locally with little, or no hassle. Just beware of shifty store tactics. Be ready to give the finger if you're about to get roped into something shady. If you do well, you won't be dead on November 27th of this year. ;)
  

I hope my 5 ways can be of help to a few people. If you have to do anything, do it safely.

Read about Walmart's New Product Line...

Live on cheap prices, and Die even cheaper.

Walmart is one of the most controversial mainstream companies ever conceived. With boasts of fiscal year 2009 sales of $401 billion, and the employment of over 2.1 million, the company definitely secures a place in history as a successful business, also being ranked as one of 2009's most successful retailers.#

However some say that there are hidden consequences to this success. In the last few years, many analysts claim that Walmart has contributed to the degradation of wages in urban areas. UC Berkeley's Labor Center projected a loss of 3 billion in earnings for workers in 2004 and 2005, only to discover that they were wrong. It turned out to be even worse, costing a disgusting 4.7 billion. The result of this of course, is the increased dependency of the workers on government assistance. The UC Berkeley Labor Center stated that "reliance by Wal-Mart workers on public assistance programs in California comes at a cost to taxpayers of an estimated $86 million annually; this is comprised of $32 million in health related expenses and $54 million in other assistance."*

 

"Hello Welcome to ******, I can't afford health care. 

Our prices are even lower than my self esteem."

The findings are staggering.  In the face of these studies, Walmart continues to broaden it's product base, and the most recent abomination that I plan to mention here, is their sale of CASKETS. If you think this is a joke, then go look for yourself HERE. My personal favorite, is the "Lady de Guadalupe" for it's ridiculous, and obvious name geared toward Hispanic culture. I'm hoping that they will release one called, "Uncle Tom's Casket", or "The West Coast Chillaaah", for black people. Dyno-mite! Now you can have a completely impersonal send off for your loved one, and racially profile them at the same time. I think low prices are great, but what the shit man???  

COULD NO ONE ELSE HAVE COME UP WITH WAY TO MAKE A CHEAP CASKET?

"You got it where? I heard they sell caskets too..."

Funeral homes are bound by law to accept 3rd party caskets, so that means Walmart Caskets will be flying into holes at alarming rates during wars. It'll be good to know that Walmart can dominate the lives, and deaths of people in poverty stricken areas.



# Source: walmart.com

* Source: Ken Jacobs and Arindrajit Dube, "Hidden Costs of Wal-Mart Jobs" [PDF file], UC Berkeley Labor Center, August 2, 2004

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